I find myself wearing the same outfits a lot and I still can’t tell if its accidental or if I’m just too afraid to change. I once kept a profile picture for over half a year and its not that I liked it because I really didn’t but its because I didn’t want to see myself in pictures anymore. I still bite my nails and I pretend I can’t help it but I really don’t think I’d know what to do with them if they were grown out.
Last night you called me again and I felt that little drop in your stomach you get when roller coasters start to fall - you know the one - but I still acted like there wasn’t a strange mixture of sadness and loneliness and inexplicable terror all boiling in the back of my throat. I don’t know if you bought the idea that I’m okay but I do know you were the one who hung up. I don’t know if I hate what happened because I hate it when things become different or if I hate what happened because I miss you.
We haven’t exchanged messages in 76 days now and keeping track is pointless, I know that, but I still refuse to stop counting. Forgetting numbers has always been a struggle for me because I still remember my house phone number from when I lived in a completely different state but I’m trying my best to drag yours out of my head. I’m trying my best to stop checking for your name on my phone every morning.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you and it’s killing me.”
boys unbuckling their belts is the hottest thing in the world tbh
i read this as “seat belts” and i was like “no stay safe”